Week 2 - Why do I sabotage myself?!!

I am currently on day...let's see...oh, right. I'm on day 17 - I should only have 4 more days, however, I tend to sabotage myself during week 2 or 3, and last week was no exception. I lost 15 pounds in the first week, and the second week, I gained and lost, gained and lost, and finally, gained. I managed to only lose 2 more pounds all last week, due to my cheating and falling off the wagon. Fortunately, this diet is rewarding enough that if I behave myself for just one day, I can lose 2 or 3 pounds. But at the same time, I can gain 3 or 4 by just eating a bowl of soup and a piece of bread!!

So I decided that I would give myself an extra week or so to hit my goal of 225. I'm only about 12 pounds away from this goal, so I really want to get there even if it takes an extra week. I will go until next week and see how this works. It would be miraculous if I could lose 3 pounds every day for the next 4 days, but I'm just trying to keep my head above water at this point.

I was cooking dinner while my little man was sitting in his highchair eating, and I couldn't help but want so much for him to just be a healthy kiddo - not fat, not too thin, and most importantly, I want him to have good eating habits. He doesn't really care for juice and he loves water, so I feel like we're off to a good start. But I also want to be around to teach him other things, and then be around to see him grow into the little man he is already becoming!

I am so ready to slip into the size 12 jeans I have hanging in my closet, just sitting there and enticing me every single day! I have already gone from a 24 down to a 16/18, depending on the style of pants, but I just can't seem to push past that 235 mark. I desperately need to get down another 20 pounds just so I can start training for some kind of fitness goal. I need to pick a race, or triathlon, to train for and then get started. I need to lose enough weight to feel comfortable training for the goal. I would be far more motivated if I could shed a little more weight.

As far as I have to go, about 100 more pounds to go, I need to remember how far I've come. I have come from eating nearly 3000 calories a day without even breaking a sweat, to eating just enough to survive. I've gone from eating a whole bag of chips when I come home from work, to drinking a big glass of water before I start dinner so I don't pick at it and eat too much. I've become more creative in my cooking, and I've tried new things that I never thought I would like. I've learned that I don't have to drown everything in butter or salt just to make it edible.

I've come further than I know, and I just need to be proud of myself. I'll get there - one of these days! Until then, I'll continue on this journey for now, slightly less fat than the last post!